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Thursday, September 4, 2008/ 8:59 PM 50th post &it's not getting any better I thought yesterday's post was a sign of optimism that would spur me on. BUT I guess I was wrong, it's perfectly wrong. In fact, I don't know when will be the next time I'll ever be smiling. It's not only putting on a fake smile, but smiling truthfully. Apparently it's been a week, and things have gotten worse. Seeing it makes me feel weird, not knowing what to talk about and even ignoring. This is not going to solve the problem apparently. I know. But what am I supposed to do? Keep quiet and pretedn nothing happen? On the worse note. I screwed bio up - B4 just nice. Even though it may not be so screwed (like what everyone thinks), I was expecting at least a B3 or an A2. I really thought I might be able to pull through. But I guess it wasn't that. I need to depend on bio prac. Felt really like a piece of shit. Really no mood during the long and treacherous bio lecture. Essays were rather screwed, I need to buck up on bio since I'm gna pursue it next year. As for physics, apparently (rumours) that nuclear physics is not tested. DAMN IT. I need that fking 10% to pull up my marks and what happens now? Are they fking going to change the Prac test to a higher %? or change the phy paper marks? Either way, I have failed this term's physics. well done. Thanks for giving me false hopes, I felt really bad and now you tell me that my one and only hope is dashed. How would I feel? I really feel like tearing up the laptop into two, tearing up all my physics notes and burning them. Really very pissed and frustrated. It just sets my blood boiling. Apparently I still don't know how to face the rest of my results. And I do not know how to face the reality of talking to this person. I mean, the scar just got worse. Things are just turning against my own will. I can't control my life, I can't determine what I want. I really don't get it, we have been so close, yet you misplace my trust just like that? It's really very frustrating. I hope things do turn better, I really do. It's really hard for me to cheer up, and do let me be, hope you understand. I need to get through this. Now, it's almost impossible to be high again. I hate my life, I don't know why I'm still holding on. 2I cls outing on saturday, it'd better be good. Labels: emo |
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